Welcome!

I was having too many hits from my work at my previous blog. I decided to join two of my blogs together now. I usually post on a donor egg blog, and on a family blog. I’m going to combine both now that I’m pregnant.

Welcome!!!

Rae

My little Taeghan

I got Taeghan when I graduated from high school. She is a black and white spotted shih-tzu. She was actually born on the day that donna and I met. About 6 weeks ago, she started not acting right and I took her to the vet. Her blood sugar was over 600 and she was diagnosed as diabetic. I have been giving her insulin injections since then. This morning, Donna found her in a catatonic state. She called me and I told her to get sugar into her mouth. She immediately began seizing and I left work. By the time I got home she had been seizing for nearly an hour as Maggie watched. We got her to the vet and it doesn’t look good. I asked them to administer a glucose IV and run some metabolic tests. If her liver function and kidney function come back as failing I am going to have to make a really hard decision. I am heartbroken. I don’t know how to tell my daughter, although she kinda understands right now. I had to drop her off at school sobbing.

I’m exhausted from crying. Taeghan is nearly 11 years old. I just can’t imagine our house without her……..

rae

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

New Year’s Eve was fabulous…….and as soon as I finish posting this, its back to bed I go! *laughing*

I’d like to share with you all why 2008 is going to be a year I will never forget………..turn on your speakers!!!

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v238/trufemme/?action=view&current=baby_0001-1.flv

 hugs,

rae

How I told my family……

(turn your speakers on and click on the below link)

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v238/trufemme/?action=view¤t=baby_0001-1.flv

Go PATRIOTS!!

I am going to go out on a limb right now and assume that most of my blog following probably isn’t into football. But hey, that’s just an assumption.

 Tonite was a big game, the Giants vs the Patriots. The Patriots had gone their whole regular season undefeated. This game was going to define if they would end the season undefeated.

I don’t really give a rat’s ass about football. But my house was crashed. I got calls to go to watch the game tonite and turned them down. Nobody, however, would take no for an answer. So instead of me going to the party, the party came to my crib.

After I got mad and cried *lol* (can you say HORMONES) it was a good time. Everyone drank and enjoyed themselves. I yawned and tried to keep my eyes open. But the end was very exciting.

So I spent my Saturday nite watching football. Oh how BUTCH am I!!!! *grin*

Congrats Patriots!!! Too bad it wasn’t the Raiders, eh? (that’s for you Mike! *wink*)

rae

I’m in love…

Its finally happened. I think I’ve finally found trust in this life growing within me. I can hear the baby’s heartbeat anytime I want now. There is no worrying about when I get my next ultrasound, and will it still be alive. I can hear it anytime I want to hear it.

I find myself touching my belly. I find myself dreaming about a nursery. I allow myself to visualize how it will feel the day they are born, the things I will say to her/him, the way I will hold them. I envision my belly large and full. I can imagine how it will feel to be kicked and loved by this baby within.

I am head over heels in love. I go to sleep thinking about them, and as soon as I wake my, my hands travel to my belly and I smile. I never dreamed I would or could ever be a mom again. I never dreamed that the final product to all the heartbreak and devastation would be the priviledge of being this tiny soul’s mother.

The diagnosis, the surgeries, the illness, the hospitals, the depression, the fears the pain the everything………has led to me to here. To this place where, even though all is not right in my world, something IS right. This little something growing inside of me. This perfect little being. I wouldn’t trade this baby for the world. I wouldn’t  want anyone other than them. I never thought I could accept DE, after having my ovaries ripped out of me. I thought my dreams were over. I never imagine I could love a child who didn’t have my genes.

But here I am. Completely in love. I knew it was possible…..someone dear to me is a foster/adoptive mother and I’ve watched her fall in love with children that did not share her genes. I never understood it, really. I always knew it was possible. But now I know how it feels. Sure, this is very different from adoption. But in a lot of ways, I’m learning that genetics have very little to do with parenting. You are a parent because you love your child, and you take care of your child……….and you give them a life they deserve. Genetics are a very tiny piece of the puzzle.

I laid in bed last nite, listening to Mumble with the lights out in my bedroom. He/she is living in the right side of my pelvis. And boy were they awake last nite. I was smiling, listening to the bubbles and the flips. I would get the heartbeat so strong and alive, then “blip, blip” off they ran…I am falling in love. I am enraptured with this tiny life. I never dreamed I’d be so lucky.

I’m “coming out” to my family in a very special way on New Year’s day. I will be 12 weeks exactly. I’m working on something very special to use as a tool to tell them about the little secret I’ve been cooking.  Make sure you check in on New Year’s Day to see how I told them.

Mumble and I can’t wait to tell grandma and grandpa!!!!

Hugs,

rae

Who took the heat out of California?

Okay this is not right. Or fair.

I understand it is winter. I get that. But as a southern california girl, I shouldn’t have to feel the effects of winter.

Winter, to me at least, is getting to wear sweatshirts and jeans…….and seeing snow capped mountains.

While standing in sunshine and 70 degree heat.

Its lights on palm trees and swimming on Christmas day.

But this, my friends, is ass.

For the last THREE weeks (yes, this is not a freak thing, this has now become a pattern) I have driven to work when it is THIRTY degrees outside.  I come home and turn on the HEAT because I’m freezing to death.

The hottest it has gotten in the last 3 weeks was the 60’s on Christmas eve.

But that was a fluke.

Its frigid. My bones hurt. I’m not used to this. We live in California. This is cruel and unusual punishment.

*off to get some hot chocolate before my fingers freeze to the keyboard*

rae

The miracle grow baby….

Today the baby measured 12 weeks exactly. I am 11w2d today. This kid is growing in leaps and bounds. I need to re-check my donors heights and weights cuz this kid is starting to scare me! *grin*

Heartrate was 162, which according to old wives tales would be a girl. Hmmmmm. Maggie would be over the moon if she got a little sister. I would be so happy with either.

I go back to the RE again in two weeks for another ultrasound. They are being overly cautious with the bleed and the lack of ovaries.  In other news, they are finally going to start my TAPER!!!!!! I am decreasing the amount of estrogen I am taking, stopping the vaginal supp’s and decreasing the PIO as well. I’ll do a blood draw next week and then see my RE again and then more than likely I’m DONE with shots. Hallelujah!!!!

And now without further ado…….baby MUMBLE!!!!

hugs,

rae

Have you ever heard a miracle?

Last night I told myself that this baby was going to let me know it was okay. I refused to walk into that ultrasound today with fear and anxiety and dripping with tears. This baby, my heartsong, was going to let me know he was okay. Damnit.

So there I took the doppler. Fishing and fishing and pleading and talking to Mumble. “C’mon little one” I chanted. “Just show me you are okay.”

30 mins later, nada. I was crying and so upset. Why can’t I hear this baby with the doppler? I’m nearly 12 weeks!!! I know the surgeries, the scar tissue, the position of my battered uterus, they all affect how soon I’ll hear the heartbeat. I get that. But it doesn’t make me feel better in the moment.

Maggie came in and laid beside me, asking me what I was doing. I told her. She lit up and said “I wanna hear my baby beats!!” So I tried again. She heard mine and I had to tell her it wasn’t her baby. Then, like a miracle, I heard the gallop of horse’s hooves……the telltale heartbeat of a tiny baby. I screamed! “Maggie! Thats your baby!!! That’s it!!!” Maggie squealed and said ” I can hear her mommy!!!” I listened to that heartbeat until I got my fill. Drunk with love and a peaceful heart, I laid the doppler down.

I heard a miracle last nite. And that miracle was bopping away in there…running from the doppler every chance it got. That’s my mumble.

That’s my heartsong.

Ultrasound today in a couple of hours. I can’t wait.

Hugs,

rae

Merry Christmas!

We started the festivities last night, with Christmas Eve dinner. Thankfully, I had a lot of help from the Honeybaked Ham company! *grin* We had a wonderful meal and got to enjoy our new dining room furniture!

 

The dining room furniture was courtesy of Donna’s dad and a spiffy uhaul, brought down from northern california. It was Donna’s mom’s dining room furniture, and her pride and joy. When Donna’s dad offered the set to Donna she was so excited. It means so much to her to have them. Along with the furniture came her mom’s fine china and silver. Its pretty cool! I wasn’t sure if it was all going to fit but it fits just fine.

After dinner we hung out a bit and then it was time for Donna’s annual reading of “Twas the night before Christmas.” Maggie and her puppy Daisy settled in for the reading and mommy took pictures.

This morning, Maggie woke us up at 730. Argh. This is a child that will sleep in until 10am if we let her.  I did NOT want to get up that early, but the excitement in her face dragged me out of bed. She was screaming when she saw that all that was left of the cookies was crumbs and the milk had been drunk! Soon it was time to dig into the presents. She had WAAY too many gifts once again this year. She had gifts from mommy and mama, papa al, aunt julie, aunt rhonda, uncle mike, grammy mouse and papa, gigi and papa, aunt chris……the list goes on and on.  Just when I thought I’d kept it to a minimum this year, the tree overfloweth. Here are some pics:

My parents got Maggie MY favorite childhood game! Hungry Hungry Hippos!!

  Maggie got a princess snowglobe from them too!

Aunt Julie got Maggie a cool outfit, as she does every year!

Gigi and Papa got Maggie a savings bond!

Mommy got Maggie the sock monkey she’s been begging for!

Uncle Mike got Mags a cool Hannah Montana playset!

Grammy Mouse and Papa got Maggie the updated version of maxwell house can stilts!!! Maggie is loving these! (Don’t ask about the outfit, my kid puts on the wierdest clothing combinations)

Maggie was especially surprised with her “big” gift this year. Something she’s been BEGGING for. A “makeup table.” Ask your grandpa Al and ye shall receive. Maggie screamed with delight when she saw her new vanity. She can stare at herself for hours on end now.

 

We had our annual Christmas morning breakfast as well. For the first time in my life, I own an ORANGE tree and the fruit is ripe. Maggie loved making homemade orange juice in the juicer. It was so good!!! I was shocked at how many oranges it took to make a pitcher of juice. Maggie did a great job!!!

 

I love that my daughter has picked up on the Tinsley family bad habits. From my dad to me, to maggie.  Nothing like ketchup on eggs to make them all the better!!! I love this!!!

 

Merry Christmas to everyone! Time to go clean up this house and wait for company! Some of our friends don’t have family for the holidays so we are going to host them here. Maybe they’ll play hungry hungry hippos with Maggie!!!

Oh by the way, I got some nice gifts too!!! I got gift cards galore, a digital photo frame, scrapbook supplies (thanks RHO!) and two front and center tickets to Celine Dion in Nov 2008!!!! I’m so stoked. One of the songs she sings is a song I dedicated to Maggie when I was pregnant with her, and I’ve been waiting to see her sing it live since then. I’m so excited that I’ll finally get to see her. My wish was to see it in Vegas when she was doing her show, but it came and went too quickly.  So 2008 it is!!

Off to clean!!! Hope everyone has a blessed holiday!

Rae